Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
