I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
