Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize