i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
