you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
