Too much gin, very little bucket
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
