My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
