Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize