My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
