he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
