My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
