somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
