I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
