Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize