Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
