Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
