My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize