I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
