so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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