Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
