Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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