She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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