***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
