oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
