I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
