there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
