She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
