I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
