So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
