You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I supernannyed him into submission
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