I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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