my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
