he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
