Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
