Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
