I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
