no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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