you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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