Can i not drive my cunt home
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
