What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
false alarm, still single
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
