Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
