I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
