One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
