yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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