I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
