i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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