i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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