Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize