either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
