I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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