if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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