I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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