I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Two words: blizzard sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
