what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
