I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
either way he was missing a nipple.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
