White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
