Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Where is the hickey?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
