I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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