I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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