Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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