I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who died my cat blue again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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