Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
