so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize