I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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