what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
