your parents love me but you hate me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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