I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
