these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize