He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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