Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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