They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
