I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
