WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do herpes really smell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
