found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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