yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
