dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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