I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
