I just saw a hot homeless man
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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