Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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