and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
