So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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