Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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