we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
