Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
