I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
