Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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