nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
