her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is Oprah even human
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
