My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
