and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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