I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
