YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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