True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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