I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
