hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
