ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
