woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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