this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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