dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
