I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
