I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
