I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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